Going through a separation when you have children involves a lot of moving parts. One thing is fixed by Dutch law: you need a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan). But what exactly goes in it, how do you approach it, and what happens if you can’t agree on everything?
This article walks you through the process step by step — no legal jargon, no unnecessary stress.
Why a parenting plan is required in the Netherlands
Since 2009, Dutch law requires separated parents of minor children to submit an approved parenting plan before a divorce or dissolution of a registered partnership can be processed by the court.
The goal isn’t paperwork for its own sake. The plan encourages both parents to think through the children’s situation together — while there’s still room for conversation.
A parenting plan is a starting point, not a fixed destination. Most parents update it as circumstances change.
What must legally be included?
Dutch law specifies three required elements:
1. The division of care and upbringing How will you divide time with the children? This doesn’t have to be 50/50. What must be included: a description of the basic schedule (who has the children and when), how you’ll handle holidays and school breaks, and how you’ll make decisions about important matters.
2. How you’ll inform and involve the children In what way, and depending on their age, how you’ll keep the children informed and involved in decisions that affect them. This can be practical: “we talk to the children separately or together, we ask for their input on school choices.”
3. Costs related to the children How will you divide expenses? Think of clothing, school supplies, sports, hobbies, and medical costs. It doesn’t need to be calculated down to the cent, but the split should be clear. Child support (if one parent carries a larger share) is also addressed here or in a separate agreement.
What else should you include?
The law sets the minimum. In practice, a more detailed plan works better — especially at the start, when everything is still new. Consider adding:
- The standard weekly or bi-weekly schedule in detail
- Holidays and special days (summer, Christmas, Easter, birthdays)
- School: who picks up, who drops off, who attends parent meetings
- Medical decisions: who decides, who gets informed in an emergency
- Sports and activities: who accompanies, who pays
- Communication: how you’ll contact each other (app, email, phone) and expected response times
- New situations: what happens if one of you moves or gets a new partner
- A review moment: when will you revisit the plan together
How to create a parenting plan
There are three common routes:
1. Through a mediator
The most common approach when parents can communicate reasonably well but want support. A mediator helps you reach agreements together. Typical cost: €100–€200 per session, usually 3–6 sessions.
Find certified mediators at mfnregister.nl or vfas.nl.
2. Writing it yourselves
If you broadly agree, you can draft the plan together and have it reviewed by one shared lawyer. Cheaper, but requires good communication between you.
The Dutch government provides a parenting plan checklist (in Dutch) as a starting point.
3. Through separate lawyers
If things are difficult, each parent works with their own lawyer. The lawyers coordinate the plan between them. More expensive, but sometimes necessary.
Checklist: what to include in your parenting plan
Use this as a guide. Check off what you’ve discussed:
Required (legal minimum)
- Division of care and parenting responsibilities
- How and when you’ll inform and involve the children
- Division of costs (and child support if applicable)
Strongly recommended
- Detailed standard schedule / care arrangement
- Holidays and school breaks (including summer)
- Who attends school and sports activities
- Communication agreements between parents
- Medical decisions: who decides, who is informed
- What happens if a child or parent is ill
- School choice and major decisions: how do you decide together
Useful for later
- Agreement on when to review the plan (e.g. every January)
- What if one of you wants to move
- How you’ll handle a new partner
When you can’t agree on something
That’s normal. Not everything needs to be resolved immediately. A mediator can help unblock stuck points. If you truly can’t reach agreement, a court can impose a decision — but for most parents, that’s a last resort.
One practical tip: start with what you do agree on, and build from there. Your children’s basic schedule is a good place to begin.
From plan to daily practice
A parenting plan sets out the broad lines. But co-parenting is daily work: who picks up, what needs to come along, when is the dentist, which forms need to be signed.
That’s where most parents hit friction — not the plan itself, but the day-to-day execution. A shared calendar, notes about the children, and arrangements in one place make that significantly easier.
Harmoneaz was built for exactly this: all practical arrangements and information in one calm, shared space for both parents.
- Shared calendar with your standard schedule and exceptions
- Important arrangements from the parenting plan (holidays, child support, etc.) accessible to both parents
- Notes about the children you don’t have to retype in a chat every time
- No more scattered WhatsApp messages about who’s picking up or what to pack
In closing
Creating a parenting plan takes time and sometimes energy. But a solid plan brings calm — for you and for the children. Start with the required elements, add practical detail, and plan a moment to review it together.
Have questions about how Harmoneaz fits your co-parenting situation? Visit our FAQ or download the app to try it yourself.
External sources
- Dutch Government: Separating with children (in Dutch)
- Dutch Government: Parenting plan checklist (in Dutch)
- MfN Mediators Federation Netherlands: mfnregister.nl
- vFAS Association of Family Law Attorneys and Separation Mediators: vfas.nl
Also read: What is co-parenting? A practical guide for newly separated parents · Co-parenting schedules explained: which model works for you? (coming soon)