The summer holiday has started. For most families that means pure excitement — for co-parents it also means coordination. Who has the children when? What will we do at Christmas? And how do we handle birthdays?
Holidays and celebrations are emotionally charged moments. Not just for the children, but for you as parents too. That’s exactly why it pays to make clear arrangements well in advance — so nobody is caught off guard and the children can enjoy both households.
Why the basic schedule isn’t enough
Your co-parenting schedule handles the standard week. But holidays almost never fall neatly within it. A six-week summer holiday, a long Easter weekend, or Christmas landing on a handover day — the basic schedule doesn’t cover those situations.
Without additional arrangements, the same discussions come up every year. With good agreements in place, everyone — including the children — knows what to expect.
Children need stability, especially on special days. When they know what’s coming, they can look forward to it instead of worrying about who they might disappoint.
The summer holiday: the biggest planning challenge
The summer holiday is the biggest coordination puzzle of the year for most co-parents. In the Netherlands, the summer holiday typically lasts six weeks — long enough that a simple half-and-half split (three weeks each) isn’t always the best fit. A few common approaches:
Three weeks each The holiday is split into two equal three-week blocks. One parent has the first half, the other the second. Clear and simple, though three weeks away from the children (or three weeks straight with them) is a lot for some families.
Two consecutive weeks each, the rest divided What you often see in practice: each parent gets a consecutive two-week block — for a trip, for example — and the remaining two weeks around it are divided according to the regular schedule or in shorter blocks. This combines the best of both: enough consecutive time to travel, without weeks of separation from the other parent.
Week by week Some co-parents alternate the entire summer holiday week by week, in line with the schedule they follow all year. Gives continuity, but less room for a longer trip.
Who chooses the start or end of the holiday? A practical and commonly used arrangement: one parent gets to choose which part of the holiday (start or end) they get in even years, the other parent in odd years. That way you don’t have to renegotiate every year over who gets the first or last weeks, and it stays fair over time.
Whichever model you choose: write it down, put the actual dates in the shared calendar, and discuss it early. Plane tickets and campsites get booked before you’ve had the conversation.
Celebrations: rotation and taking turns choosing works best
Holidays and celebrations carry a lot of weight. Christmas, Easter, the children’s birthdays — they’re emotionally loaded and often involve grandparents and extended family too. A few principles that work:
Rotate by year The simplest approach: Christmas alternates year by year. In the Netherlands, Christmas officially spans two public holidays — Christmas Day (25 December) and Boxing Day, known as “tweede kerstdag” (26 December) — both official days off. Together they form one block. You could agree that one parent has the whole Christmas block (24–26 December) in even years and the other in odd years — or split the block (for example Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with one parent, Boxing Day with the other) and alternate that order each year.
Who chooses? Just like with the summer holiday, a fixed choosing arrangement works well: in even years parent A chooses which part of Christmas (or another holiday) they get, in odd years parent B chooses. That avoids renegotiating every year.
Split the day for short breaks For holidays that are short (Easter often spans four days, and Easter Monday is also an official day off in the Netherlands), you can also choose to divide the days rather than giving the whole block to one parent.
Children’s birthdays This is the most sensitive one. Many co-parents choose to celebrate their child’s birthday together, or at least both be present for a moment on the day itself. Others celebrate twice — once per household. Talk about what feels best for your children.
Parents’ birthdays There are fewer fixed rules here. Some co-parents agree that the children are always with the birthday parent on that day, regardless of the basic schedule. That can be a meaningful gesture — but it doesn’t have to be. What matters is that it’s clear for everyone.
How to cope as a parent
Even with good arrangements in place, it can be emotionally hard. Christmas without the children. Missing their birthday while photos come in through the app.
That’s part of co-parenting, and it’s okay to find it difficult. A few things that help:
It’s not about “skipping Christmas” — it’s about which day you get. Christmas Day and Boxing Day are almost always split between parents in practice — the only question is who has which day. Got Boxing Day instead of Christmas Day this year? That can feel like the “lesser” moment, even though it doesn’t have to be. Make it your own moment: a Boxing Day with the children can be just as special as Christmas Day itself, especially if you don’t compare it to what the other parent is doing that day.
Be honest with the children — without involving the other parent. Children feel it when you’re sad. You don’t have to hide that, but keep it with yourself: “I miss you too, and I’m already looking forward to our time together.” Not: “It’s hard for me that you’re at mum’s/dad’s.”
Plan something for yourself. A free weekend or a child-free celebration is also an opportunity — for friends, family or simply rest. That sounds easier than it is, but it genuinely helps.
Where do you record this?
There’s a difference between the agreement and the execution — and that difference is exactly how Harmoneaz organizes it.
The parenting plan: the principles The parenting plan sets out the basic rules: who gets to choose which part of the holiday in which year, how you rotate celebrations, what the agreement is around birthdays. This is the legal and principled framework.
Parent agreements in the app: the plan’s agreements, easy to find again Under parent agreements in Harmoneaz, you record the most important or most-referenced agreements from the parenting plan — for example “in even years parent A chooses which part of the summer holiday they get” or “Boxing Day rotates annually between parent A and B.” This way you don’t have to dig out the full parenting plan document every time you want to check what you agreed on.
The calendar: which days the children are actually where The concrete application for this specific year — which days the children are actually where — goes in the shared calendar: a temporary care schedule overrides the normal weekly schedule for the holiday period. That way everyone can see at a glance where the children are on any given day of the holiday, without disrupting the annual schedule.
Short moments as a separate calendar item For something like Christmas dinner — the children join for three hours but otherwise stay with the other parent — you don’t need to change the whole care schedule. Just add it as a separate calendar item. Easier for everyone, and nobody needs to override the main schedule for a few hours.
A checklist for your holiday arrangements
Use this as a guide for the conversation with the other parent:
Summer holiday
- How do you divide the six weeks? (three weeks each, two consecutive weeks + rest divided, week by week)
- Who chooses the start or end of the holiday this year? (even/odd year arrangement)
- How far in advance do you share holiday plans?
- How do you handle travel abroad? (permission, passports)
Other school holidays
- Autumn, Christmas, spring and May holidays: who has the children when?
- Do you rotate each year, or keep a fixed arrangement?
Celebrations
- Christmas block (24–26 December): whole block with one parent per year, or split?
- Who chooses which part this year? (even/odd year arrangement)
- New Year’s Eve: together, separately, or rotating?
- Easter (including Easter Monday), King’s Day and other holidays: fixed arrangement or decide each year?
Birthdays
- Children’s birthdays: celebrate together, separately, or both present?
- Parents’ birthdays: separate agreement or follow the basic schedule?
In closing
Holidays and celebrations don’t have to be a source of tension. With clear agreements — made well in advance — the children can look forward to both households, and you can genuinely enjoy your moments with them.
Have questions about how Harmoneaz supports your holiday planning? Visit our FAQ or download the app to try it yourself.
External sources
- Dutch Government: Separating with children (in Dutch)
- Dutch Government: Parenting plan checklist (in Dutch)
Also read: What is co-parenting? A practical guide for newly separated parents · Parenting plan in the Netherlands: steps, requirements and a checklist · Co-parenting schedules explained: which model works for you? · Co-parenting without conflict (coming soon)
